Monday, September 27, 2010

don't lie

number one - with your friends.
2. to your friends.
3. about your friends.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

dear 2010

please let up on me soon.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

thee oh sees

what a bunch of fucking babes. best live band ive seen in ages.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


lazerbrain: some random black dude was smashing on our door last night
left behind a note
alongwith 3types of anti psychotic pill bottles
a couple newstand shitty novels
some anti fungal creme
and a bottle of brute

roxane: what?!

lazerbrain: yeah
i forgot because i was so drunk
but i guess everyone was freaked out when i came home

roxane: what did the note say

lazerbrain: hang on ill get it

roxane: ha k

lazerbrain: from: nite crawluh yor Nex doe NAEBUH

Friday, May 21, 2010

"i love you dont you ever think of me"

so many sleepless nights haunted by anxiety of the last 5 years.

really, are we going through this again?

i am here to answer your call at 130am, and your call at 2:30am, and yours at 4:30am.

im sorry we are all awake at awful hours, riddled with feelings of weird.

i love you my friends.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

not here

im not there, youre not here.

weather report for barcelona from a dear friend:

today: surrounded by the catalñian mountain range- pale blue in the distance from my 11th fllor window. barcelona has blue skies; conditions are kinda dry for barcelona - humidity at a low - say...25 degrees C with a soft cool breeze. Visability is hazer and so the seas horizon is slightly obscured.. Still seas.

take me back a 8 hours. ill return the same favour again.

Sunday, May 9, 2010


i tried to find a picture to sum up what exactly i am feeling, but found nothing just quite right.

my place feels lonely tonight, but the kind of lonely that feels alright. the kind that makes you want to go to the country, watch horses, and laze in the sun with someone comfortable.

summer dreaming....

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

screaming bloody all night

bronchitis? is that what you are in my chest? im trying to make you better, i bought the lung flush, and threw out my smokes, and got some nicotine gum. but why does one snide remark from someone that doesn't have any faith in me, cause me to want to fail at this and just smoke 3 of you charming little rolls at once.

one day ill prove myself right. if only i knew what right was.

you are all so upside down, and i sure am sad.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

was gonna

was gonna paint that shitty wall. but didnt.

was gonna paint my nails. but didnt.

was gonna cut my dogs nails. but didnt.

was gonna catch up on work, but cant.

was gonna quit smoking, but still have one left.

instead im just staring at my ceiling, feeling how much my throat hurts, and feeling the anxiety of my impending insomnia.

Monday, March 15, 2010


i just barfed at the office out of sheer anxiety. not that there was much to barf up, aside from water cause its impossible to get much else into me.

so i went to get more water to put back in me what my body rejected. i walked to a corner store, that also has a weird sorta diner in it where old people sit and eat gross food at a bar. i yanked out my bills from my pocket to pay and a tooney flew out of my folded bills right smack into someones meal. he gave me back my greasy gravy and ketchup covered money, and told me he was done anyways.

then i came back to the office after somewhat calming down, and decided i shouldnt drink coffee anymore, so i went into the bathroom to dump it down the sink and squeezed too hard and the thing exploded, lid flew off, and i covered the entire room in a large medium blend.

yesterday at work i walked directly into a wall with a bin full of wine glasses. a lot of it broke.

im a disaster. id say a walking disaster but its more of a flailing im doing lately.

violet sent me something nice. its here.

Friday, February 12, 2010

last night im at work
and i get this table of 4 dudes
in their late 20's early 30's
they sit down and one is just being a dick
keeps cutting me off
and demanding stuff
saying hes really hungry so just get on it
and bring two bottles of wine now
i go into the back and am writing up the order
and im all "fucking assholes, wtf blah blah"
my boss asks who?
table 7!
uhh do you know who that is?
thats father
our priest
father robert
so i laugh and apologize to my boss
and continue serving the table
they continue to get wasted
3 bottles of wine
shots of bourbon

at one point im go over to the table, and one of them says "so i bet you get this all the time, but do you handle the meat"

... im sorry? personally?

"yeah. how often do you handle the meat"

and im thinking... is this dirty or am i taking this the wrong way

cause it sounds dirty

and then the priest pipes in "what hes asking is if you like to pound the meat"

and im kinda just miffed... uhm im not sure what is going on here, but this is a little weird, no?

am i confused?

and then they just start ranting on about how often i pound the meat.

so i just sneak away, totally confused

i tell my bosses and they dont belive me

so i go back to the table a bit later

and the priest starts asking me for the shot with cervical fluid

and then the dirty jokes just start rolling

so i tell my bosses again... and the chef goes over to talk to him
and sure enough he's just going off on dirty rants and asking about girls at the bar
just wasted

it was so weird

then when they were paying, the priest was pulling out his credit card,
and his friend (i guess they were his highschool buddies)
tries to put money in
and the priest is all "keep it, go buy your fucking kids some diapers"
and the guy shoots back "fuck you father rob"
and then they suddenly stopped

looking at me... uhhh... youre not catholic are you?
and i reply. yeah no. im not.

the table was relieved

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

los angeles

Just got back from that wonderful trip to los angeles.

It was rained a lot, but was fun nonetheless.

We stayed at the Chamberlain West Hollywood, which was exceptional. They are working on refurbishing the rooms, which we got a sneak peek into, and it appears good things are happening.

We had some really great food, one of my favourites... Loteria. We went to the one in the Grove, and I ate the chicken enchiladas with the green tomatillo sauce two days in row, while Paul had a couple different burritos, and the nachos - one day with beef, the other with chicken. It was delicious. I am salivating just thinking about it. I am almost glad we don't have this in Toronto as it would be the only thing I would eat. All day. Every day.

Aside from that, we had a delicious dinner at Cobras and Matadors. There is no booze on the menu, you bring your own wine or beer. The place is packed, like sardines as they say. Tapas style. The staff were ultra friendly, and the food was satisfying. Get the custard, it comes in a little jar and is "to die for." The next morning... go to breakfast next door. Same owners, possibly even more satisfying food. Good music as well, here we were introduced to Cotton Jones. Listen to them because they are good.

Our next dinner was at a chacuterie place called Lou's. It's in a mini strip mall next to a laundry mat. The speck was amazing. The owner, drunk.

The only other meal we had that I can remember off the top of my head is at BLD. It was another fantastic breakfast. Everything just right.

Oh! Cafe Stella, first breakfast of the trip. How could I forget. It looked great, and the food more than lived up to our expectations. Which are high, I might add.

And then there was shopping...

Lets do a list with my short thoughts.

Driftwood - perfect. nice stuff. nice prices. nice owner. the shop is beautiful. so are the goods. only open 6 weeks i think he said. i got a nice pair of shoes. you'd be jealous.

Reform School - so much fun stuff!!

craft - if youre a dude, or have one to buy for... here's your first choice.

Lake - that one ring. if only i knew what it was or bothered to look at the price...

- so good. mens and womens.

wait. im tired. so im ending this here. back to my book.

and back to my wine.

Monday, January 25, 2010

some things last a long time

i've had this song in my head all day. so i went looking for some live (Daniel Johnston) footage. instead i found this wonderfully charming interview.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

take me back

it's the weekend.

i have talked to noone.

i wish i was doing this.

Friday, January 22, 2010

I Am Garfield.

I am tired. Exhausted really.

I think (know) I have sleep issues, so I took a test to see if I should go to sleep clinic. It told me the following:

You show symptoms of sleep apnea, a potentially serious sleep disorder. People with sleep apnea quit breathing repeatedly, often hundreds of times during their nights sleep.

You show symptoms of insomnia, which is defined as a persistent inability to fall asleep or stay asleep.

You show symptoms of narcolepsy, a life-long disorder characterized by uncontrollable sleep attacks during normal waking hours.

You show symptoms of gastroesophageal reflux, a disorder caused by acid "backing up" into the esophagus during sleep.

You show symptoms of periodic limb movement disorder, a disorder resulting in uncontrollable leg or arm movements during sleep.

It also told me that all these things will make me into a miserable, spacey, unmotivated shell of a human. This gives me hope! I will go to a sleep clinic, get hooked up to a bunch of wires and shit, and they will tell me my sleep is a mess. I know this already, as does anyone that has ever been in the same building as me while I am snoozing. BUT - I learned there is help... in the form of this:

It gets attached to a long tube that attaches to a machine that will sit beside my bed. It's going to fix my life. I swear.

I will no longer sleepwalk and break into your apartment and try to get in bed with your boyfriend after zombie walking through your place and peeing on your stoop, yell at you for stealing my voice, or threaten to drag you into the black abyss, or punch you, or kick the dog, or generally be a total creep when I am not awake to the world. Which is pretty much any non working hour of my life. The other bonus? I'm going to turn into a good person during waking hours too, cause apparently sleeping well can do this for me. Who knew I could just attach a strange apparatus to my face at night, and it would fix all my life problems?

Why didn't anyone tell me sooner?

I can't wait.

Things are really starting to look up!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

today is a day.

today is mild in weather, yet nothing else. i cannot seem to out run this shit storm of strange and funny feelings that has been following me for the past month.

i got a new place. its small and has a large patio. summer come soon. i expect you to bring big things…. sangria, friends, bbq’s, and sunshine? fuzzy puppies?

in the meantime, me and my other will be making a short jaunt to la. fast and furious. it will be good to get away from working the equivalent of 9 days a week, even if its only for 4 days.

my good friend just flew to san francisco, this is what happened to her at the airport -“security: ‘put your hands in your pockets’ me: ‘but I dont have any pockets. These lines are just seams’ security: ‘ok, pretend to put your hands in your pockets’ me: *puzzled face* ‘Uh, ok’ *mimes some hand in pockets action*. Security then swabs my hands for explosives from my pretend pockets.”

that the only funny story i have today, and its not even mine.

tonight is dinosaur jr. i’m excited.

here is a picture from sunday. it was peabodys

1st birthday.

too much work hurts